Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
