I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i think i just lost a toe
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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