She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
