I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
