I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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