apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
