You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
