do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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