I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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