You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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