Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
