Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
