Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

u sound so gay right now

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems

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(214): View more from Texas

dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(509): View more from Washington

i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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(613): View more from Ontario

Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover

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(843): View more from South Carolina

you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.

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(207): View more from Maine

I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!

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