I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!