So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.