Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.