Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.