he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.