I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
