the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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