Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
