Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I won the penis lottery.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
