I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
