Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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