forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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