I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
