jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
