just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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