I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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