Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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