She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
