we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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