someone owes me an orgasm
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
