I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
