saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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