are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
