I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
not ubering you a puppy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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