he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize