He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
