this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
