Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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