i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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