Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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