just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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