i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize