Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
