ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize