Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
