I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
