I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
