I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
