Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
