Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
