I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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