ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
