I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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