I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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