I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
