I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
