I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
