ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
