I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
