I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
