kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
