Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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