Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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