i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
