It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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