why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize