I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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