I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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