i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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