before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
