I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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