if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
