watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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