Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
