Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
