I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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